Poison Swamp

Sunken plains of mire and rust.

Filthy skies and sticking dust.

Would that one could be of good cheer,

But nay the poison swamp draws near.

(Old Elvish Rhyme)

PART OF MERRY HEXMAS - ADJACENT HEXES

North: The Inaccessible Ever Frost

Northeast: ???

Southeast: Castle Claus

South: ???

Southwest: ???

Northwest: ???

HEX 0201 - THE POISON SWAMP

The acrid stench of rot and copper fills the air, long before the sickening green skies and muddy surface confirm your entrance into The Poison Swamp. Where once winter chilled the nerves and nipped the cheeks, a damp and heavy air permeates from below. Though snow may fall, nothing sticks, and well bundled adventurers soon find their backs drenched with sweat. Amongst the mud and pools of vile liquid, titanic candy canes jut from the swamp's surface, their pristine white and red mocking the filthy squalor below. 

Most areas past the shore are submerged in shin-deep scum, too solid to be fluid, too wet to be mud. Trash of all kinds floats on its surface. Greens and reds and browns swirl in a foul pool of unsavory slime. Those who stand or move through the slime for more than ten minutes (roughly the time it takes to trudge between locations marked here) must make a Save VS Poison or are subject to the YULETIDE ROT - A fever clings to your bones, and each chilled breath invites sneezes and sniffles. You are sick and all rolls suffer a 2 Penalty for the next 48 hours. Lots of bed rest and good soup reduces this time by half.

LOCATIONS:

1. SHABBY HUT

On the shore of the swamp is a hut hobbled together from withered spruce, still sticky like a fresh Christmas tree that's just stained your ceiling with sap. Shakey stairs lead to a door ajar, inside:

PERIWINKLE BARTHOLOMEW (PB for short ~ Recommended OST)  

Shriveled yet plump. Lounging yet restless. Beneath sprouting white eyebrows, two eradic and curious greying eyes peer back and forth along the hut's wall. "Oh visitors to the poison swamp I see?" his shrill voice cackles, "How delightfully unfortunate." Despite his small stature his smell is as unmistakable as the fits of flatulence that punctuate his thoughts.

Offers a nebulous reward if you can bring him "delicious" painted glassware [[From now on, any sources of treasure found have a 1-in-6 chance of having one such glass - Flip to a random page of your favorite monster manual to see which monster has been etched with Christmas cheer onto the glass' surface]] - If you successfully bring PB 6 glasses he'll say he's "Had his fill" and promise you your reward the next time you see him. Upon the party's return PB will be dead on the ground, his prized glasses licked clean. Before his body a pool of white smoke gathers around a ring: Ring of the Led said to be able to lead you through the most perilous scenarios. Grants a 2 Bonus on all Saving Throws and an immunity to the Swamp's Poison.

"I'll be here if you find anything... savory. He he he..." He likes to smack his lips between sips of an acrid "hot chocolate" [Save VS Death if you sip from his holiday mug] or between licking cups you've retrieved for him.

When pressed for details about the swamp he simply remarks that he used to be part of an organization that "cleaned up really big messes" and that they had to put "Its" body somewhere, and that the poison swamp was perfect for burying the evidence since everyone else seemed to dump trash here.

Stats as feeble old man with looney toons slap-stick HP.

WOODEN CHEST - In the corner of the hut is a chest labeled "Property of the Flanken Estate" with four colorful glowing vials. "You're welcome to those if you'd like. Couldn't tell you what any of them do." Their labels are dense and technical, with a difficult wisdom check their name can be discerned:

RED - GOOD CHEER - The texture of wine with the taste of eggnog. Fills you with the festive spirit, lifts poor moods, arouses virile passions and has a slight aftertaste of cinnamon.

YELLOW - THE POTION - Heals all HP on consumption and removes any status effects or curses. Tastes like lemonade!

GREEN - MOUTHWASH - Tastes minty and gives minty fresh breath for 24 hours. Upon consumption you are given an immediate and vivid vision of the True Spirit of Christmas, whose visage is too merry and magnificent to behold. You may ask it one question that it must answer truthfully.

BLUE - DESTRUCTION - Consuming this serum calls for a Save VS Poison, else you immediately and violently vacate your bowels. Lose 1 HD of HP permanently. Applying the Serum to the outside of any object will cause it to combust in a dazzling thunder of sparks within d6 minutes. The more comical the timing the more likely the combustion.

2. THE WISH MOUND

Weathered stones rise up like obelisks. The mud gathers into an island, an oasis in the murk. Hundreds of strips of parchment dance in the breeze, tied with surprisingly sturdy sowing thread. "I wish my fur was soft enough to cuddle for all of time." "I wish the pattern of my dress wasn't so childish." "I wish we could go on just one more adventure together."

In the center of the mound a human-sized marionette draped in a white funeral garb, face covered by a veil, sows up a small teddy bear who clings to her leg, shaking with grief. (Recommended OST) Each stitch is pulled with calm precision, A soothing tune emanates beneath her tight and solemn smile. They call her the Toy Mender:

"Ah, you've come too. If you care to leave a wish, I shall weave you one. Or perhaps that which you seek is the strength to grant your own wishes."

Her role here is simple; she takes in the toys that have made the long trek north in the hollow hopes of being remade, that they may one day be loved again. Some, she shyly whispers, drop from the very sky. She warns you not to show too much cheer among the misfit toys, as the same cheer that brings them to life can awaken a sadness so deep it twists into rage. 

For 1 copper she can sow you or anyone with you a Wish Seal onto the rocks. Limit one wish per person. Whenever you're doing something that furthers your seal's wish and you roll a critical failure, instead reroll. When the wish is granted the seal breaks.

She can also perform the "Rite of Mending", however doing so on a living being calls upon a different magic. She can convert your Gold into XP 1-for-1. Each time she completes this process a new scar forms somewhere on your body with a beautiful delicate white thread. A reminder that you are closer to the toys than you may believe.

Stats as a bad-ass lady with a sword (big half scissor) and as a litch probably.

3. RANCID ISMOUTH

A sunken snake of land, shrouded in fog, littered with seven arguably problematic and incredibly tacky tiki torches. Only one torch is lit. Removing any torch thickens the fog and strands the party on the swamp's shore when it clears. Lighting all the torches reveals a hidden hatch in the middle, wherein d20+60 gold can be found as well as a set of matching Hawaiian t-shirts for your party. When worn, you are immune to the Yuletide Rot, and donning one for an hour cures any Rot that's taken root. 

4. THE APE SKULL

A giant ape skull, sunken into the mud. One of the canines remains, large enough to fashion a sword the size of a man, if you brought it to the right people. A dire giant spider calls the inside of its skull home. The drained corpses of elves litter the cranium's web-filled ceiling.

d8 ENCOUNTERS:

1-2) d4+2 Merry Leeches (stats as your preferred giant leech - they just have Santa hats sometimes) - Any units they successfully deal damage to gain the Yuletide Rot.

3-4) 2 talking crows perched atop a nearby candy cane. They're willing to haggle advice, secrets and directions for shiny objects. Have an intimate knowledge of the other hexes if players are at a loss.

5) The sunken corpses of d4 adventurers now returned as undead zombies (stats as zombies).

6) The Filth Fairy (1 HP) - She is immune to any non-spell damage - Spell casters must Roll VS Paralysis to cast spells against her as they're mesmerized by her gnarled grin. Swears like a sailor - Smells like one too. Will cast a curse of Irreconcilable Belly Sickness, causing frequent flatulence and poor digestion, unless the party pays her 1/4th of their current gold on hand. If aggressed she'll cast the spell on the most aggressive party member before flying away. Death is not permanent for her.

7-8) d4 Rot Ridden Misfit Toys (stats as automaton) softly weeping pungent ichor as they trudge aimlessly through the swamp. Will aggress if they hear signs of holiday cheer.

d6 RUMORS:

1) They say the swamp's water is poisonous.

2) There are tales of a master swordsman from the swamp whose unbreakable ivory blade was forged in its filthy fires.

3) If one is to traverse the swamp, better to do so when not weighed down by gold.

4) Elves who run away to the swamp never return.

5) There's a woman in the swamp who weaves gold into newfound strength.

6) If you need to dispose of something you never want to see again, try dumping it in the swamp!

Special thanks to this shitty Christmas flu, to Prismatic Warren for organizing the band-wagon and for Anne DIY & Dragons for the fun fact that Lead being Pb is the etymology for a whole bunch of stuff (like plumbing!)